I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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