dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize