I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
