I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize