I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
