Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
