My liver just broke up with me...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
