just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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