i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Enjoy the penises
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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