im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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