i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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