i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
