And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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