He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Farmville is her only friend.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
