and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize