I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize