I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
