Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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