whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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