:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
do nipples grow back?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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