508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My balls are so social today.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
