She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize