If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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