i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
