Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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