1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
