You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
