So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
