U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize