This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
