No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
