real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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