I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
