That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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