Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize