why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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