We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The struggles of a small town man whore
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
