i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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