No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
