I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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