Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bring me that man meat
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
