Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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