god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I am one with the molecules
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
