she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
