I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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