I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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