Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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