If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
