i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
