i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
