The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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