So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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