That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
