rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We need to get me chipped asap
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