I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
