my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
