So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
