I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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