I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
