R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
foreskin is a definite game changer
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
