I got chris browned last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
