You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
