My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
