think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
3 2 1 whiskey
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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