You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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