She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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