i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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