i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
