Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
