If i come over, it means nothing
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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