so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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