She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
