News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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