Already got asked if we're dating
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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