Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
