4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
