I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
