You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
