Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
