Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
