I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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