if i died would you start the facebook group?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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