Just fell off a train. Bad.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
