Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
