It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
