I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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