can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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