he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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