you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
