your room smells of hookers.
And success
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize