Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
