I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
