Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize