I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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