I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
