Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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